I'm Not Me Without You
by SincerelyShania
Summary: The loss of his father during the Fourth Great Shinobi War has left Shikamaru feeling numb, and Temari may be the one thing that can pull him out of his depression.
The war had come to an end, but misery managed to manifest within him before the enemy was defeated. There were sacrifices that were necessary in the midst of battle, and it was a shinobi's duty to understand the cost of war and pay for it him or herself. Shikamaru, with his superior intelligence, knew what war was capable of, yet he never imagined it would take his father from him; with all of his intellect, he could not have strategized how to deal with the loss of the man that raised him. Death was a matter that there was no rule book for. Every person had to find their own way of going about bereavement, and he was finding it exceedingly difficult to come to terms with a reality without Shikaku in it.

Laying on his bed and staring up at the ceiling, the lethargic genius took in the scenery of the evening; shadows danced around him as the sun set low in the sky, its rays catching on the trees of the Nara Forest and the remaining light shining through the shoji doors of his bedroom. He felt numb to the world, and although immense sadness tore away at him mentally, he could not bring himself to cry.

Shikamaru was roused from his daydreaming by his mother's voice. "Shikamaru, one of your friends is here to see you," she announced from outside of his door. _A…friend?_ he questioned to himself. _Who would be coming to see me?_

Upon reaching the front door, Shikamaru was greeted by the sight of one the biggest drags in his life: Temari of the Sand Village. He and she had truly become "acquainted" during their fight against each other in the Chunin Exams, and although he forfeited the match due to a lack of chakra, he was the only participant promoted to the level of chunin following Orochimaru's attack on Konoha. In the years that the pact between the Leaf and Sand Villages had been reconstructed and strengthened, he had been assigned to many diplomatic missions with her as a partner; each time she departed the village, they knew that they could expect to see the other person again within the next couple of months at the longest.

Spending bulks of time together had become routine to the lethargic genius and the sand kunoichi; however, at present, he was surprised to see her standing confidently at his doorstep.

"Huh? Temari? What are you doing here? We didn't get assigned a last minute mission, did we?" Shikamaru questioned, not eager for the answers because he actually gave a shit but because it would be a real drag to take on last minute tasks, especially in his current mental condition. He was not completely prepared to return to his normal duties.

Temari waved a hand in front of her face, deflecting Shikamaru's inquiries. "Sheesh, when did you become so enthusiastic? No, we don't have a mission."

The lethargic genius righted himself and raised an eyebrow at his companion. There was something…off about her. Although she sounded her usual self, he noticed a hint of emotion in her deep blue eyes that seemed misplaced, but he could not pinpoint what exactly it was. "Why are you here, then?"

"I just thought that since I'm already here on business, I'd pay you a visit."

"You went out of your way just to pay me a visit? Yeah, that's believable," Shikamaru stated sarcastically, rolling his eyes slightly at the sand kunoichi and placing his hands behind his head. The situation was already proving to be more troublesome than it was worth.

"You could act happier to see me, you know. After all, I did come all the way over to this part of the village just to see how you're doing."

"Yeah, yeah. Like I said: I don't buy it."

"Don't buy what?" Temari questioned, putting a fist on her hip in an exasperated manner.

"That you just felt like coming to see me. You've never done it before, so it seems sketchy for you to be doing it now," Shikamaru explained as if it were the most obvious answer that could have been given, clearly unimpressed at his present situation. He hated going out of his way to explain simple concepts, and he would have much rather been in his room doing…nothing.

"Well, for your information, this time is different!"

"What's different about it?"

"I have a reason to be here!"

"We're really arguing in a circle."

"I heard that your dad died during the war, and I wanted to make sure you're doing alright!" The sand kunoichi slapped a hand over her mouth at her outburst. She had been stirred up, and as a result, more information had escaped her than she had come wanting to divulge. "I…I'm sorry, Shikamaru…Really, I—"

"Come inside." The lethargic genius did not wait for a response from his companion; he began making his way back to his bedroom, expecting her to follow if she felt like it. His actions surprised him; he had not wanted company of any kind. The loneliness he felt was a welcomed addition to his sadness as he could afford to remain lost in thought as each day faded away into night. Yet, when Temari showed up at his door, all of a sudden, he craved human contact.

Upon arriving back at his room, Shikamaru glimpsed over his shoulder to see Temari following closely behind, eyes cast to the ground awkwardly. "Why are you acting so self-conscious all of a sudden?" he asked while opening his bedroom door. "We get work done here all the time."

"Y-Yeah! I know that, you idiot. It's just…I've never been good with these kinds of things," the sand kunoichi admitted. Her current mannerisms were completely contradicting the "hardened ninja" act that she usually upheld. The nervousness she felt was evident in her voice alone, not to mention visible in her actions.

"Yeah, neither have I."

"What do you mean?"

"How troublesome. It's nothing." Shikamaru entered his room and then stepped aside to permit his companion to do the same. Once they were both inside, he slid the shoji doors shut leisurely. Glancing around his room, he noted that the only objects of importance he had out were his bed and his Shogi board. He never liked the hassle of picking up after himself, so he rarely took the time to get anything out.

"It always surprises me how immaculate you are," Temari teased while plopping onto the bed, seemingly reading his musings.

 _She sure doesn't waste any time making herself at home,_ Shikamaru thought to himself before addressing the sand kunoichi. "Cleaning up is a drag, so I prefer not to make a mess in the first place."

"That's so… _you_ of you."

"Hmph. Women and their off-handed compliments."

Temari's eyes narrowed in frustration at the lethargic genius's comment. Seeing how nonchalant he was, she quickly turned her head away from him, her arms firmly crossed under her chest. "Guess you aren't as torn up about your dad as people think you are."

A twinge of anger gripped at Shikamaru's heart; it felt like it had been so long since he last felt any emotion other than empty sadness that he acted on the feeling without thinking. "Who are you to say things like that?!" he shouted, slamming his fist into his wall. "I loved my father, but allowing myself to fall into a depression wouldn't bring him back."

Although Shikamaru spoke confidently, his words completely betrayed his true feelings, and he did not know how, but Temari realized this.

"Then what have you been doing? Seems to me like you've fallen pretty far," the sand kunoichi stated, the tone in her voice sounding condescending. "Look, it's okay to be a crybaby sometimes."

The lethargic genius made a 'tsk' noise at his companion before placing his hands in his pockets and shrugging his shoulders as if his previous irritation could be that easily banished. "You're such a drag. Shikaku—my father—died protecting the village. He…wouldn't have wanted anyone wasting tears on him."

"…Well, what do _you_ want? Because I can tell it isn't this," Temari replied, drawing Shikamaru's full attention back to her; upon his gaze resting on her, and despite her head still being turned off to the side, he noticed a tear trailing down her cheek.

"Why are you…?" The lethargic genius began to ask the sand kunoichi why she would be crying, but when she made eye contact with him once more, his raging thoughts went silent; her deep blue orbs were sparkling with the sadness she was feeling, as if a raging ocean dwelled within her soul. The gleam of emotion he had seen in her eyes earlier was now being fully portrayed.

"I told you already: it's okay to be a crybaby sometimes…especially when someone you care about is hurt," Temari explained, smiling dejectedly at her old friend. His eyes widened at her declaration, but still, he could not find words within himself that were appropriate for the situation.

Shikamaru stared at Temari, her eyes igniting emotions within him that he had been trying to keep at bay. Suddenly, some of his father's advice to him made its way to the forefront of his mind and then, somehow, onto his tongue: " _No matter how strong-minded a woman is, she will show kindness to the man she loves…_ "

"What did you say, Shikamaru…?" the sand kunoichi asked, seemingly only catching pieces of what Shikamaru quoted.

"I-It's nothing," the lethargic genius responded, reestablishing his usual calm and collected demeanor. He noticed that Temari had become even more sullen at him brushing her off. "It'll be a drag, but…do you wanna go get a bite to eat? I'll pay. I was planning on eating out for dinner anyway."

Temari perked up a bit after hearing Shikamaru's suggestion. "Sure, but I get to pick where we go," she teased, hopping off of the bed and smiling almost mischievously at her companion.

"Jeez. Just as I thought; this is gonna be troublesome."

"Can you pick up the pace for once?" the sand kunoichi questioned before grabbing the sleeve of the lethargic genius's shirt and pulling him in the direction of his front door. "I've been extremely busy today, so I haven't really gotten to eat; since you're paying, I can get something well worth the wait!" She looked back at her companion briefly and offered another playful smirk. Focusing back on the path she was taking out of the Nara Residence, she began pondering aloud on where she would like to eat.

Getting dragged along by Temari, Shikamaru allowed a slight smile of his own to grace his lips. _Looks like she saved me again…_ he thought to himself as he remembered his fight with Tayuya of the Sound and similar events. Finally, in her presence, he allowed silent sobs to escape him.


End file.
